The following schedule is typical of a couple retreat / intensive:
Friday - 2 hours
Check In
You most certainly have talked to each other about the weekend prior to coming in but this is a chance to share with each other in perhaps a more balanced way. It’s not uncommon for us to start with each of you sharing with your partner what you think their hopes and concerns are for the weekend. Don’t worry partner - you will get a chance to add or gently correct. Next we will move on to your relationship history.
Oral History Interview
The Oral History Interview is the story of your relationship. We’ll want to know how you met and what attracted you to each other? What were early days like? If married, how did you, or did you, decide to get married? If you have children, how was that decision made and what was that transition like? Big moves? Losses? Successes? What’s a enjoyable time for you as a couple?
Saturday - 6.5 hours
Assessment Individual Sessions:
During the individual sessions Saturday morning you will each meet with the therapist separately, close to an hour to share your personal history and family of origin details.
Feedback
We have gathered information about your personal past, your relationship past and what you hope to change, repair or enhance in your relationship. The Feedback is partly educational as we review the areas that were strong for successful couples in John Gottman’s research. The happy couples had strong friendships, good conflict management skills, felt supported in their individual goals and enjoyed shared meaning and a positive view of their future. These areas will be strengths for you as a couple or growth areas that we can explore.
Therapy
The pacing of the sessions and content will differ depending on where you are with each other. A couple hoping to repair an affair may be focusing on building transparency and re-establishing trust, or beginning this process. A couple coming in for pre-marital counseling may be working on exploring what some of their perpetual differences might be or what their conflict styles are. Your questionnaires and your joined and separate interviews will help us know what to focus on over the weekend.
Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday we will explore and work with the topics you have identified. There are many couple therapy exercises, also known as interventions, that we use in the Gottman Method to help you communicate well.
Sunday - 6.5 hours
Therapy Continues
Sunday morning we will revisit our treatment plan and goals for the day. Some of the common interventions we use include teaching you how to repair a fight, how to shift gears if you start to fight and how to turn a fight into a conversation. It’s not unusual for couples to struggle with “fight and flight” responses when they argue. If so, you will learn how to bring your heart rates down and re-engage when you are experiencing this threat response.
Sunday is also the time to visit positive aspects of your relationship that you may have been neglecting. These may include renewing some of your rituals of connection, learning how to better cope with external stress, or reconnecting in the areas of friendship, intimacy or your plans for the future. We want to end the intensive on Sunday on a high note.
