Discernment Counseling

A young white couple in therapy discusses relationship issues

Discernment Counseling

Discernment counseling helps couples gain insight

into whether or not to continue their relationship.

Discernment counseling is for those who have mixed feelings or contradictory feelings about staying or leaving the relationship.

When one person is thinking about divorce or ending the relationship and doubting whether couple therapy will be successful and the other is wanting to work on the marriage; discernment counseling may be an appropriate choice. Created by Bill Doherty, Ph.D, the discernment approach is designed to support both spouses where they are.

What Is The Commitment?

The initial commitment for the couple is the first 2 hour session. During this session, each person decides separately if they would like one more session, up to a maximum of five. While there is some time in session together, most of the time is spent with each person separately. In your individual time we will work on helping you understand how your marriage got to the place it is and what were your contributions. The goal is to gain clarity on whether you want to work on the marriage, get divorced or stay as you are.

Two white lotus flowers next to each other, but separate.

What is the advantage to doing discernment counseling?

The advantage for most people is gaining some integrity with insight into their choice to stay or to leave. For those who choose the path of couples counseling, most will have a better experience because they are bringing themselves to the sessions with a willingness to accept responsibility for the state of the marriage. When both partners are doing that, the marriage counseling is more apt to be successful and bring about the desired changes. For those who decide to get divorced, while they may be alone in that decision, can take some solace (as can their partners) that they were willing to look at their own part in the demise of the relationship and personal growth for the future.

Who is not a candidate for discernment counseling?

You are not a candidate for discernment counseling if you have already decided to leave the marriage or relationship. Discernment counseling is for those who still have some ambivalence about staying or going.

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“The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”:
Defensiveness, Criticism, Contempt, and Stonewalling.

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When a couple’s relationship is in a crisis,
they’re suffering from a loss of connection.

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Our Weekend Couples Intensives & Retreats
may be the best counseling approach...

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a Couple's Place

Discernment Counseling

a Couple's Place

Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling